textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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