you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
it's great music for shaving your balls
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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