his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
