we have pet lesbian snakes
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
