You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
