she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
