Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
