If you die in college, do you die in real life?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
