We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
