I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Randomize
