My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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