The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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