you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
