is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
