well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
