you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Randomize
