God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
