I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Houston, we have a blender
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
