Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
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