so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
