is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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