im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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