im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
