Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Randomize
