before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
