Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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