gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i now understand why vodka
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
