This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
