i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
