i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
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