After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
whose ass print is on the piano?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
