hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
