I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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