Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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