And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
