Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
