I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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