wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
so much tequila, so little girl.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
