After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
