we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
