I am spending my child support on dildos
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
