i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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