Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
