from now on my penis is your penis
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
