What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
