On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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