oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
