fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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