Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
