So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
