4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
