Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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